Don't Lose Faith

In three months, it will mark one year. One entire year. It doesn't even seem that long. Probably because for the first six months, I was pretty numb to everything. I barely remember the spring semester and what I did. I remember small pieces, like certain parts of class or staying late at the library with Silvia and Jackie to study, but as to how I felt about things...I can't remember. Because I never really paid attention, I was afraid if I thought about how I really felt I'd just get sad all over again.

I never really talked about him either. Not afterward. A couple of weeks ago when me and Jess when to Olive Garden, she said, "Wow, we haven't been back here since...you know." She kinda realized where she was going, and didn't want to say anything else. But I knew what she was talking about. It's been like an unspoken rule between us, we don't speak of him, unless I bring it up, otherwise the topic is off limits.

Until recently. I find myself being able to talk about it more easily. Little by little, every day that went by made it easier. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I had yet to find the reason for it. I was patiently waiting. Until I got my answer a few weeks ago. He said he was scared I'd meet someone else, and break his heart, and as much as I hate to admit it, he was right...again. If we were still together, none of "this" would've ever happened. So I'm kinda glad he did the uncomfortable part, instead of me having to do it...haha

I'm afraid it's all going to fall apart though.

And it's not fair that this might get taken away from me too.

Don't lose faith.

Whatever happens, I have to believe that it's gonna be okay in the end. Because that's the only thing that keeps me from going completely insane. No matter what happens, I'll always be eternally grateful that he was brought into my life at a time when I needed someone to restore my faith in humanity and the male gender. In the two months we've known each other, I know more about him than I did after nine months with Adam. And I never felt this comfortable with him. It's ridiculous how different things are.

He doesn't believe I have crazy mood swings. But he's never seen the other, almost broken down side of me. He said, he's never seen it because I'm always in a good mood when I see him. And he's right. He didn't think I kept the heart, but how could I throw it away? I wanted to put it up on my cork board (I have a bunch of stuff tacked to it) but I want to have it with me, somewhere near me. So that every time I see it, I'll be reminded that things work out, one way or another. You just have to have faith that everything will be okay.



What I keep thinking though is, what am I gonna do when I move to California??